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A Little Incident


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There was a little "incident" at your house today while you were gone. Please allow me to explain: I was watching T.V. and I heard this beeping going off in the kitchen. The first thing I thought of was the smoke detector going off so I ran into the kitchen and checked everything out. By the time I got to the kitchen, the beeping had stopped and I couldn't smell any smoke. 

I went back to watching my movie and I kept hearing a beep every minute. I knew that the type of smoke detector that you have is the type that took a few minutes to reset itself. I kept watching my movie , and about 10 minutes later I was really getting pissed off that the beeping continued. I paused the movie, ran out to the kitchen, unhooked the detector, and went back to the movie. 

The beeping continued. 

Having a college degree in electronics, I knew that the capacitors could hold a charge after the batteries were removed. About 20 minutes later, I was really getting pissed because I could still hear the beeping. And I got so mad, I went out and grabbed a pair of wire cutters and cut the fucking speaker off the smoke detector and left it sitting on the counter. 

I sat back down and heard "beep". 

Now I was fucking fuming. I listened to that fucking "beep" about three more times, then I finally got a hammer and pounded the ever-loving shit out of your fucking smoke detector on the counter (while I was pounding I heard "beep"). It was really getting me mad. I sat back down and resumed the movie and sure enough "beep". I had the wire cutters in my hand and I went out (curious to see what the hell could still be running it) and cut all the little parts into pieces, and put half into a little plastic container and left half on the counter. I took half the parts over to the living room thinking if it beeps I know it's these, and half the parts I left on the counter knowing it would be them. 

In moments I heard the parts in the kitchen beep. So I took them into the living room and spread them on the table, staring at them, saying to myself "the fucking part that beeps, will get smashed" Not three seconds later, the parts I just had, now on the counter in the kitchen beeped. I was furious. I thought to myself, (his smoke detector is possessed). I brought all the parts into the living room and laid them out on the coffee table. I was staring at them, just waiting for one of them to beep so I could smash the shit out of it. 

All of a sudden, I hear "beep", but it was coming from the kitchen. I walked out there, all freaked out. I just waited.. and waited.. it seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds later, I heard the mystifying "beep" coming from your jacket. I looked in the jacket and it was your beeper that you had left at home by accident. All I could do was take my hammer and beat the ever-loving shit out of your beeper because I was the one who paged you. Sorry!