There was a little
"incident" at your house today while you were
gone. Please allow me to explain: I was watching
T.V. and I heard this beeping going off in the
kitchen. The first thing I thought of was the
smoke detector going off so I ran into the
kitchen and checked everything out. By the time
I got to the kitchen, the beeping had stopped
and I couldn't smell any smoke.
I went back to watching my movie and I kept
hearing a beep every minute. I knew that the
type of smoke detector that you have is the type
that took a few minutes to reset itself. I kept
watching my movie , and about 10 minutes later I
was really getting pissed off that the beeping
continued. I paused the movie, ran out to the
kitchen, unhooked the detector, and went back to
The beeping continued.
Having a college degree in electronics, I knew
that the capacitors could hold a charge after
the batteries were removed. About 20 minutes
later, I was really getting pissed because I
could still hear the beeping. And I got so mad,
I went out and grabbed a pair of wire cutters
and cut the fucking speaker off the smoke
detector and left it sitting on the counter.
I sat back down and heard "beep".
Now I was fucking fuming. I listened to that
fucking "beep" about three more times, then I
finally got a hammer and pounded the ever-loving
shit out of your fucking smoke detector on the
counter (while I was pounding I heard "beep").
It was really getting me mad. I sat back down
and resumed the movie and sure enough "beep". I
had the wire cutters in my hand and I went out
(curious to see what the hell could still be
running it) and cut all the little parts into
pieces, and put half into a little plastic
container and left half on the counter. I took
half the parts over to the living room thinking
if it beeps I know it's these, and half the
parts I left on the counter knowing it would be
In moments I heard the parts in the kitchen
beep. So I took them into the living room and
spread them on the table, staring at them,
saying to myself "the fucking part that beeps,
will get smashed" Not three seconds later, the
parts I just had, now on the counter in the
kitchen beeped. I was furious. I thought to
myself, (his smoke detector is possessed). I
brought all the parts into the living room and
laid them out on the coffee table. I was staring
at them, just waiting for one of them to beep so
I could smash the shit out of it.
All of a sudden, I hear "beep", but it was
coming from the kitchen. I walked out there, all
freaked out. I just waited.. and waited.. it
seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds later,
I heard the mystifying "beep" coming from your
jacket. I looked in the jacket and it was your
beeper that you had left at home by accident.
All I could do was take my hammer and beat the
ever-loving shit out of your beeper because I
was the one who paged you. Sorry!