I can only please
one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the
Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to
get along without it.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon and
most days the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If
he isn't there the first time, chances are you
won't be needing him again.
I don't have an attitude problem, you have a
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars
in the sky and I thought to myself, where the
fuck is the ceiling?
My reality check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger
on the escape key.
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding
through peanut butter.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because
you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to
their level then beat you with experience.
A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from
a kick in the butt.
Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be
replaced, you won't be promoted.
After any salary raise, you will have less money
at the end of the month than you did before.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you
are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious
and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning
and nothing worse will happen to you for the
rest of the day.
When bosses talk about improving productivity,
they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then
quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the
floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride
home from the office.
Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous'.
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the
beginning of the cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it
isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the
work. If you are really good, you will get out
You are always doing something marginal when the
boss drops by your desk.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would
At work, the authority of a person is inversely
proportional to the number of pens that person
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and
The last person that quit or was fired will be
held responsible for everything that goes wrong.