When someone asks
you what your favorite mode of transit is, it
most likely isn't taking the bus! However, if
you are stuck on a long bus ride, we are pleased
to provide you with a list of things to do to
pass away the time...
1. Eat nothing but gas inducing foods the entire
trip, not hesitating to hare the wealth?with
everyone on board. Recommended foods are chilli,
burritos, McDonalds, any eggs, Kentuky Fried
Chicken (stay near the toilet if you want the
2. Repeat #1, only engage in a uppy war?with
the bus driver. (For those that do not know what
a uppy?is, it involves making a cup with your
hand, farting in it and slipping it directly
into the face of some unsuspecting friend.)
time the bus wobbles from the wind caused by
passing transports, jump up and scream EE ALL
4. Incessantly complain that
it is way too cold in the bus, no matter what
the temperature is, keep doing it until the bus
driver turns the heat up to full blast just to
shut you up, then wait a few minutes for it to
get really hot and start to complain about it.
5. Two words: Water Pistol
6. Two more words: Paper
7. Make racing car noises
constantly, occasionally announcing your
progress along the acetrack?in an announcer
voice. When anyone comes up to you and asks what
the fuck you are doing, look at them funny and
ask how they got in your NASCAR.
8. Eat nothing but really
noisy foods, such as bags of chips, nachos,
tacos, individually wrapped candies and unwrap
them as loudly as possible. Also eat them
noisily, chewing with your mouth open and making
the loudest possible slopping noises.
9. Purchase a megaphone, uff
10. Engage in some hot, wild
sex at the back of the bus with one or more
11. Sit at the back of the
bus, turning off all the lights around you and
keeping the blinds down, keep a black briefcase
on your lap at all times, wear a black trench
coat and a black hat, look really nervous, don
talk to anybody and keep glancing at your watch.
12. Walk up and down the
aisle, claiming out loud that you are Jesus and
blessing everyone with a half-eaten leg of
Kentucky Fired Chicken.
13. When the bus is driving
all alone on a long stretch of highway,
preferably completely devoid of life of any
sort, suddenly jump up and start running up and
down the aisle, flailing your arms and screaming
as loud and you can....
14. Then after 30 seconds or
so, sit down at your seat and act like nothing
15. When the bus stops for a
food break, instead of following the other
passengers to a restaurant, sit outside in front
of the big picture window on the ground with a
struggling burlap sack. Open the sack and remove
some small, live animal (cat, squirrel, rat,
pigeon, etc) and eat it like a feral dog would,
in the view of everyone else. Make lots of
growling noises, snarl and snap at people who
get too close.
16. Use the bathroom often,
for disturbingly long periods of time. Make lots
of grunting and straining noises, loud enough
for everyone to hear. Occasionally drop an
orange into the bowl from a good height.
17. When in the bathroom, wait
for the bus to hit a huge pothole or bump, then
scream for help, claiming you are now shitting
on your head.
18. Get on the bus first, pick
the seat right behind the bus driver, as
everyone gets on, greet each one of them with a
hug and a kiss.
19. At night when everyone is
sleepy and unsuspecting, suddenly start barking
as loud as possible, feel free to use megaphone.
20. Play with knives, just
like Bishop on Aliens!
21. Clean a .357 Magnum, if
that doesn't get peoples attention, cleaning the
rest of your on board hand collection will.
22. When someone is in the
toilet, bang on the door and yell at them to get
out as quickly as possible. Then just as they
open the door, put a strained look on your face
and say ever mind...?then drive the point home
23. Musical chairs, using your
200 watt boom box.
24. Come onto the bus with a
beanie on, sit down and put your walkman
headphone buds up your nose. When the person
sitting beside you looks at you like you are
from mars, say "Mishap during an operation,
Doctors just aren't the same these days."
25. When sitting down in your
seat, pull out a small collection of vomit bags,
look through them and ask the person beside you
"If I run, out do you have any paper or plastic
bags? I'm not picky, either would be fine..."