Q. What happened to the Pope
when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye almost killed him!
Q. How can you tell a head
A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
Q. What do you call three
lesbians in bed together?
A. Manage a twat.
Q. What do you call
hemorrhoids on a fag?
A. Speed bumps.
Q. What is the lightest
thing in the world?
A. A penis...even a thought can raise it.
Q. What do gay kids get
A. Erection Sets.
Q. Where do fags park?
A. In the rear.
Q. Difference between a
man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting
with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Q. What does a female
snail say during sex?
A. Faster, faster, faster!
Q. What is the noisiest
thing in the world?
A. Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
Q. What's red and blue
with a long string?
A. A smurfette with her period.
Q. What do you call an
A. A pubic hair.
Q. Define "Egghead:"
A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Q. How can you tell if you
A. If the blind can read your face.
Q. Did you know they just
discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
Q. What's a
necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?
A. They just kinda lay there.
Q. What did
the woman say to her swimming instructor?
A. "Will I really drown if you take your finger
Q. Why did
the lumber truck stop?
A. To let the lumber jack off.
Q. Why did
the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A. She wanted to mount the horse her way.
what's sticky, white and falls from the sky?
A. The cumming of the Lord
Q. How did
the tugboat get AIDS?
A. It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Q. How can
you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Q. What's the
difference between a bandleader and a
A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a
gynecologist sucks his fingers.
Q. Do you
know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something.
Q. What is
the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About three inches.
Q. What do
you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes!
Q. Why do
women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.
Q. When does
a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie
Q. What do a
gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Q. You know why
they say that eating oysters will improve a
man's sex life?
A. Because women know if he'll eat one of those,
he'll eat anything!
Q. Why does a
bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q. Why is the
space between a woman's breasts and her hips
called a waist?
A. Because you could easily fit another pair of
tits in there.
Q. What is the
definition of "making love"?
A. Something a woman does while a guy is fucking
Q. What's the
only animal with an asshole in the middle of its
A. A police horse.
Q. What does it
mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying
at half mast?
A. They're hiring.
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery
to get his love handles removed?
A. Yeah...now he has no ears.
Do you know how to eat a frog?
A. You put one leg over each ear.
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your
friends to find out.
How do you fuck a fat chick?
A. Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Why is it difficult to find men who are
sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and
a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it's getting interesting, they're
finished until next time.
What do you call a guy who never farts in
A. A private tutor.
What do you call a musician without a
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A. An elephant with diarrhea.
Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
A. Her lipstick
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped
A. Wiped his ass.
What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A. A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags
What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't
good for shit.
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
A. Even the pool table has no balls.
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.
What two words will clear out a men's changing
room quicker than anything else?
A. Nice dick!
How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
A. All your tic tacks are gone.