A library is a
somewhat easy place to annoy the people sitting
around you, but for those of you with less then
stellar creativity, we have made a list of
things you can do...
1. Read out loud.
Very loud. And slowly.
2. While pointing to a very simple word, like
'the', ask the person next to you if he/she can
pronounce it for you.
3. While looking at your book, turn so you’re
facing the person. Then, peer over the top of
your book, and say "PEEKABOO!!"
4. Put down you book, and look over and start
reading the other persons book, and, either 1)
say "Ooo. Nice book." or 2) when he/she looks at
you, quickly pick up your book and act like your
5. Suddenly look over at him/her, and say,
"You’re one of THEM!"
6. Put down you book, and look at him/her. When
they says something like "what?", cut them off
by saying "Are you accusing me of something?"
7. Read your book. Upside down.
8. Read your book from right to left. And flip
the pages the same way.
9. Flip the page every two or so seconds.
10. Pick up your book, put it down, and say,
"Wow. That was a good book."
11. Read silently, and then as if speaking to
the character in your book, say, "No, Jim! It's
a trap! Don't do it!!" Then turn to the person
and reply solemnly, "He did it." when he/she
looks at you.
12. Turn to the person and ask, "Have you ever
experienced déjà vu and amnesia at the same
13. Start arguing with yourself, then when
he/she looks at you funny, say "Ohh, I'm sorry.
I was just telling my subconscious to be quiet."
14. Sit down, and then say to the person next to
you, "Hi! My name's (…) and I'm really glad to
15. Ask him/her if he/she knew there are eddies
in the space/time continuum.
16. Ask him/her what species he/she is.
17. Every so often, yelp in pain, and look at
18. Bring a bag or purse, and peer into it and
say, "Got enough air in their?" or, "Settle down
in there. I'm trying to read!"
19. Ask them what their name is, and then when
they start to reply, cut them off by saying, "No
20. Break the silence by making a bodily
function noise, then say, "Wow! That was a good
21. Every time the person next to you turns the
page, make a strange sound, or a beep.
22. Announce the page number each time you turn
23. Constantly shift in your seat, and if the
person next to you asked what is wrong, reply by
saying, "I'm constipated. Hehe."
24. Spell every single word as you read it.
25. Chew gum with your mouth open, and smack
your lips while reading.
26. Act like you’re picking your nose. And
27. Snort loudly, and gargle with your spit.
28. Sneeze a lot.
29. Hold your book right next to your eyes.
30. Every few minutes, get up out of your chair,
walk around the table, and sit back down.
31. Stand up, and continue reading.
32. Make a strange sound every few minutes, then
act like you didn’t do it.
33. Bring a bag of cat food, and start snacking
34. Bring a box of crunchy cereal, a bowl, and a
spoon. Then dig in messily, and crunch on it.
35. Ask them, “Got milk?”
36. Read out loud attempting to pronounce easy
words. Butcher them badly. But be able to
pronounce hard words.
37. Fall out of your seat, then say, “I meant to
do that.” Then do it again. And again.
38. Bring a laptop, and turn up the sound, and
play a very noisy game.
39. Wear too many sweaters, and complain how hot
40. Bring one of those fans with a squirt bottle
attached, and make it look like you’re
attempting to squirt yourself, but hit them
41. Bring a bottle of squirtable mouth
freshener, and miss every time you try to spray
it into your mouth.
42. Wear A LOT of putrid smelling cologne or
43. Spill that same cologne or perfume on their
44. Put down your book, then say, “Hey, ya wanna
45. Bring a recording of very obnoxious music,
and hide it in a bag. Turn it up full blast, and
accuse them of having it. Keep accusing them,
then get the librarian to come. When they find
it in your bag, yell, “IT WAS PLANTED ON ME I
TELL YOU!!!!! IT’S NOT MY FAULT!! IT’S A
GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY!! ALIENS BEAMED IT INTO MY
BAG!!! IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T LET THEM DO
EXPERIMENTS ON ME!!”
46. Without looking away from your book, say to
no one in particular, “I know what you did last
47. Bring a piece of bread, and drop pieces of
it down the little hole in the center of the
table meant for cords.
48. While reading your book, start humming a
single note until you’re out of breath, then
collapse on the floor. Then get back up, and
continue reading like nothing happened.
49. Start singing “This is the song that never
ends. . .”
50. While placing small pieces of bread in a
line, count one, two, three. . ., and lose count
every ten or so.
51. Bring a recording of a popular song. Play it
on headphones quietly, but sing along very
badly. Then say to the person next to you, “I
took singing lessons!”
52. Turn to the person sitting next to you and
say to them, “Hey! How ya doin’? That’s great,
53. Instead of a laptop, bring your entire
54. While working at a laptop, suddenly stand
up, and announce to every one, “I have mail!!”
55. Start staring at the person, and when you
have their attention, announce, “I measure sock
56. Turn to the person next to you, and ask them
to pronounce their name backwards. When they ask
you why, tell them that you are looking for
57. State proudly that you have been to the
‘other’ side. Give no explanation.
58. Suddenly grasp your heart, let out a wail,
and fall to the ground. Then get back up like
59. Collapse on the floor. Then get up like
nothing happened. When the person next to asked
what is wrong, look at him/her with an inquiring
look on your face, and say, “What do you mean?”
60. Say, “It always starts so weird, and they do
it so weird.” When they ask, “What?” say, “Ohh,
sorry. I’m back now.”
61. Start telling a VERY strange story, then
half way through say, “Never mind.”
62. Turn to them and while pointing your fingers
at them as if you were electrocuting them, say,
“BUZZ!!! BUZZ!!. . .”
63. Start arguing with yourself. When they ask
you who you are talking to, say, “Your just
jealous ‘cause the voices are talking to ME!!!”
64. Say, “Who’s Freddie?” Then act like you
didn’t say anything.
65. Say, “Argh! My central nervous system in
shot! Quick! Give me blue china!!!”
66. Introduce your self by saying, “Hi! I’d like
a hamburger, and a green South America please.”
When they ask what your problem is, say, “Ohh,
your not my fairy god mother? I’m sorry, he must
have flown into the bookcases. Bye!” and run
67. Continuously rub a book while chanting,
“Come out, come out. I know you’re in there!”
When they ask what you’re doing, say, “I’m
calling the book genie out!”
68. Run up to them with a book, thrust it under
their nose and ask, “Will you sign my
autograph?!?” Make sure you say MY.
69. Get up onto the table, and start acting like
a duck. When they ask what you’re doing, say
happily, “I’m roosting!”
70. Bring a bottle of glue and sniff it while
counting down from a very high number. When they
ask what you’re doing, say, “I’m counting my
71. Stick a ‘kick me’ sing on your back, and
accuse them of putting it their.
72. Repeat every thing they say to you.
73. Ask them, “Have you ever had an orange juice
bath?” When they look at you strangely, say,
74. Look up suddenly and yell, “Ohh no!” When
they ask you what happened, say, “Nothing.” Then
do it again.
75. Stare accusingly at the other person, and
when they look at you, say, “Where were you on
the night of February 32, 1989?!”
76. Look at one page number, then a different
one. They say in astonishment, “Wow! The page
numbers are in order! Cool! They guy who came up
with that musta been a genius!!
77. Glance over your shoulder every few seconds.
78. Maintain a look of horror constantly, but
act normal other wise.
79. Say to him/her, “You have the right to
80. Pat your stomach and say, “Whoa. Human
extremities do not settle well.”
81. Get a child’s book like “Green Eggs and Ham”
and complain that there is no glossary.
82. Find a thesaurus and say in complete
astonishment, “Wow! Did you know that
‘affirmative’ and ‘yes’ mean the same thing?”
83. Say, “Omph!” like you were just shot, and
while smushing a ketchup pack on your chest,
fall on the floor. Then get back up like nothing
happened. After that, look at your stomach, and
say, “What? How’d this stain get here?” while
motioning to the ketchup.