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Old Fart Jokes 


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You know you're old, when your mind and body aren't what they used to be.

Did the fine print shrink? (This is called bifocals denial.)

Do your knees buckle, but your belt won't?

Have your beauty marks sprouted hair?

Does the gleam in your eyes comes from the sun hitting your bifocals?

Do your joints sound like Rice Crispies ... snap, crackle, pop?

Does your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.?

Have you been driving along thinking about stuff, and suddenly realized that you don't remember the last 3 blocks?

Has a fortune-teller offered to read your face?

Does your pacemaker make the garage door go up when you watch a cute guy or gal go by?

Is the little gray haired person who helps you across the street, your spouse?

Do you have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet?

Have you sunk your teeth into a steak and had them stay there?

Have you quit pulling out your gray hairs, because you could end up bald?

Does your back or knee go out more than you do?

Does a dripping faucet cause an uncontrollable bladder urge?

Have you seen territory on the scale that no one who isn't pregnant ever wants to see?

Have you searched all over the house for something and finally found it ... right where it was suppose to be?

Does the idea of laying on the floor to watch TV strike you as uncomfortable?

Remember when you did it all the time?

Have you dialed a number and then gotten distracted?

When the person you called came to the phone, you had no idea who you called or why.

Do you groan a little when you bend over or get up?

What doesn't hurt, doesn't work, right?

You Know You're Old, If You Remember Ancient History.