The Smiths had no
children and decided to use a proxy father to
start their family. On the day the proxy father
was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and
said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a
door-to-door baby photographer rang the
doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting
you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good!
I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
come in and have a seat. Just where do we
start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in
the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a
couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room
floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good
one every time. But if we try several different
positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly,"
gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his
time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes,
but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled
out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was
done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well
when you consider their mother was so difficult
to work with." The photographer handed Mrs.
Smith the picture.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to
Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were
crowding around four and five deep, pushing to
get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes
widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than
three hours too. The mother was constantly
squealing and yelling. I could hardly
concentrate. Then darkness approached and I
began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just
packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they
actually chewed on your, er..,um.., ah....
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll
set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon
on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm
getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Good
Lord, she's fainted!!