ASS ANSWERS according to Reader's Digest:
Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand
for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see
your ticket not your stub."
Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for
you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah,
well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally
stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes
up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows
it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police
car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the
truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering
this bridge and ran out of gas."
Ass Answer #1:
college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not
being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or
a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate
family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire
class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence
is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student,
shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd
have to write the exam with your other hand."