Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment
for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the
owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the
club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have
a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to
check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict
club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many
strokes as necessary until the course owner is
satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do
so may result in being denied permission to play
the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing
the hole immediately upon arrival at the course.
The experienced player will normally take time
to admire the entire course with special
attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other
courses they have played, or
are currently playing, to the owner of
the course being played. Upset course owners
have been known to damage
players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain
gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their
match has been properly scheduled, particularly
when a new course is being played for the first
time. Previous players have been known to become
irate if they discover someone else playing on
what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in
shape for play at all times. Some players may be
embarrassed if they find the course to be
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to
be extremely tactful in this situation. More
advanced players will find alternative means of
play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for
manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole
to allow for improved viewing of, alignment
with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course
owners permission before attempting to play the
back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players
should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace,
at least temporarily, at the course owner's
request. (Course time is four - five hours)
15. It is considered outstanding performance,
time permitting, to play the same hole several
times in one match.
Two young blonde women were playing golf at a
foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not
the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they
walked to the green, they discovered one ball
about three feet from the cup, while the other
ball somehow had gone directly in. The blondes
tried to figure out which ball belonged to
who, since they were
both using Titleist
number threes. Unable to decide, they returned
to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a
ruling. After hearing their story and
congratulating them both on their superb shots
under such adverse conditions the pro asked,
"Okay, so who was playing the yellow ball?"
Two friends went out to play golf and were about
to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his
partner had but one golf ball. "Don't you have
at least one other golf ball?" he asked. The
other guy replied that no, he only needed the
one. "Are you sure?" the friend persisted. "What
happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy
replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I
won't lose it so I don't need another one."
"Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you
miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "This special golf
ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it." "Well
what happens if you hit it into the trees and it
gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?" The
other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see,
this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll
be able to get it back - no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say
our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you
hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you
going to do then?" "No problem." says the other
guy, "You see, this ball is
florescent. I'll be able to see it in the
dark." Finally satisfied
that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend
asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like
that anyway?" The other guy replies, "I
found it."
After a particularly poor game of golf, a
popular club member skipped the clubhouse and
started to go home. As he was walking to the
parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped
him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth
hole about twenty minutes ago?" "Yes," the
golfer responded. "Did you happen to hook your
ball so that it went over the trees and off the
course?" the cop asked. "Yes, I did. How did you
know?" the golfer asked. "Well," said the
policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out
onto the highway and crashed through a driver's
windshield. The car went out of control,
crashing into five other cars and a fire truck.
The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and
the building burned down. So, what are you going
to do about it?" The golfer thought it over
carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my
stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower
my right thumb."
A couple was on their honeymoon,
ready to consummate their marriage, when the new
bride says to her husband, "I have a confession
to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing this
day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one
guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see
why you went to bed
with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and
walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to
call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to
bed to make love to his wife a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to
the phone.
"Now what are you doing?" she asks.
"I'm still hungry, so I was going to get room
service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to
bed to make love to his wife a third time.
When they finish, he's tired and beat. He drags
himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what's
par for this damn hole."
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