carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.
Ride those little
electronic cars at the front of the store.
Set all the
alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.
Calvinball; see how many people you can get to
entire auto department by sampling all the spray
customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
messages on the typewriters.
mannequins as you see fit.
When there are
people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially
thin narrow aisles.
employee in an official tone, "I think we've got
a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
Tune all the
radios to a polka station; then turn them all
off and turn the volumes to "10".
Play with the
Walk up to
complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen
you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along.
the clothing department, ask yourself loud
enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk,
14 in the jewelry department.
Ride a display
bicycle through the store; claim you're taking
it for a "test drive."
through the aisles, staying about five feet
away. Continue to do this until they leave the
with a group of friend, using the entire store
as your playing field.
As the cashier
runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Put M&M's on
Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent
in the camping department; tell others you'll
only invite them in if they bring pillows.
fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
the other aisles.
customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Drape a blanket
around your shoulders and run around saying,
"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
Toilet paper as
much of the store as possible.
things over into neighboring aisles.
Play with the
calculators so that they all spell "hello"
asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
When two or
three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
Take up an
entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Take bets on
the battle described above.
"test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
shopping cart races.
suspiciously while humming the theme from
Attempt to fit
into very large gym bags.
Attempt to fit
others into very large gym bags.
like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
Set up a "Valet
Parking" sign in front of the store.
in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food
"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
steps away from their cart to look at something,
quickly make off with it without saying a word.
Relax in the
patio furniture until you get kicked out.
announcements over the PA, assume the fetal
position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices
layaways fifty cents at a time.
Drag a lounge
chair on display over to the magazines and
If the store
has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that
you don't get out much, and ask if they can put
a little umbrella in it.