51
Days
A
group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the
bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The
gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!"
and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell
the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they
toast 51 days and down their drinks.
The
bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are
you toasting 51 days?"
One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw
puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished
it in 51 days!"
New prefix
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim'
could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble
- noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other
clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention
of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for
blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for
lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally
got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend
ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible
to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10
times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other
blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually
to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall
I'M BLONDE AND I'M BEAUTIFUL!
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached
a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested
she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going
to New York and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant
asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the
woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful,
I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain
what he should do. The captain said, "I' m married to
a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's
ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section
mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the
captain what he said to her. The captain replied: "I
told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
The popular
blonde cheerleader bounced into the local
card shop, looked around, then approached the
clerk.
"Do you have any, like, real special birthday
cards?"
she asked.
"Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact,
here's a
new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy Who Got My
Cherry."
"Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole
box."
A blonde had
just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from
the wreckage without a scratch and was applying
fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks
like an accordion that was stomped on by an
elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde
chirped. "Well, how in the world did this
happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the
wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the
blonde began. "I was driving along this road
when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in
front of me. So I swerved to the right, and
there was another tree! I swerved to the left
and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the
right and there was another tree! I swerved to
the left and there was ........." "Uh, ma'am",
the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't
a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your
air freshener swinging back and forth".
What did the
blonde say to her doctor when he told her she
was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
A blonde was
bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all
of them." A friend says, "O.K., "What's the
capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy, W."
blonde
suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to
his apartment unexpectedly and when she
opens the door she finds him in the arms of
a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and
as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
|
