ONE
SMART REDNECK
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes.
What do you want?"
"I'm
calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank
you very much for the call, sir."
The
next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they
bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They
swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's
house.
"Hey
Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did
they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy
Birthday Buddy."
REDNECK
POETRY CONTEST
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate
and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed
two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained
the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu."
First
to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the
microphone and said:
Slowly
across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.
The
crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they
thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone
and recited:
Me
and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The
redneck won hands down!
Redneck
Logic
Two
rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life
and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first
went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history,
and logic.
"What's
logic?" the first redneck asked.
The
professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you
own a weed eater?"
"I
sure do."
"Then
I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied
the professor.
"That's
real good!" said the redneck.
The
professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since
you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed,
the redneck said, "Amazing!"
"And
since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's
Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching
on.
"Finally,
since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are
heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're
absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I
ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"
The
redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked
back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.
"So
what classes are ya takin' ?" asked the friend.
"Math,
history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.
"What
in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.
"Let
me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked
the first redneck.
"No,"
his friend replied.
"You're
queer, ain't ya?"
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semi-finalists,
a Yale graduate and a redneck from Arkansas. They were given
a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word a come
up with a poem that contained the word.
The word they were given was "Timbuktu."
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped
to the microphone and said...
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan,
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination-Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they
thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone
and recited...
Me and Tim a huntin' went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The redneck won, hands down!
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