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Know why a room full of married people looks so empty?
There's not a Single person in it...

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Slvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.

Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: DAM!!

Why do eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?
Because it's too cold "out tide!"

What do you call a boom-a-rang, that dosen't come back?
Answer: A Stick!!!!

Why did the stoplight turn red?
Wouldn't you if you had to change in the middle of the street??

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic schizophrenic?
He was in two minds as to whether there's a dog!

Q: What do you call a charismatic at an auction?
A: Broke.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian?
A: Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no apparent reason.

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!
Doctor: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!

Did you hear about hte new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward incase the enemy attacks from behind.

Where does the one legged waitress work?
The Ihop

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

A blonde walked into a bar

A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"

A mushroom walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"
The mushroom says "Why not I'm a Fungi!"

Q. What do you find in a clean nose?
A. Fingerprints!

Q. Did you hear about the kid napping?
A. Yeah, he woke up!

Q. What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A. A fruit stand!

Q. What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud.

Q. Why only use deodourant under one ar?
A. So you'll know what you would have actually smelled like.

Q. How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day?
A. When she has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil

Q. What weighs eight pounds and won't be plucked next Christmas?
A. John Denver's Guitar.

Q. What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
A. The 1987 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Q. Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.

Two friends meet each other on the street. "hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?". "It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"

One day, the Captain of the 40-oared royal barge goes down to speak to the slaves in the hold of his ship. "Men, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, the Queen will be joining us today for a trip up the Nile." The men cheered and rattled their chains. "The bad news is, she wants to go water skiing."

Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told me, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest ofour lives making each other sick!"

In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called 'Nob'. - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car because it's too heavy.

Frank Sinatra, "Old Blue Eyes," has died... Frank will now be known as "Old Closed Eyes."

Experts say that although Frank Sinatra is dead, his act is still 150% more entertaining than Frank Sinatra Jr.'s.

While in Birmingham, England, President Clinton saluted Frank Sinatra, saying the singer and entertainer "really did do it his way''...